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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143544">I miss you so much</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/obimanletkenobi/pseuds/obimanletkenobi'>obimanletkenobi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>On the highway through the skies [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Masturbation, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:14:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/obimanletkenobi/pseuds/obimanletkenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She was falling for Anakin still, and every time she thought he’d catch her something pulled him further away. She wished they could just stop this endless chase. Run away, escape together from this life that felt more like a prison than a calling. More like lying to themselves than hope.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>On the highway through the skies [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I miss you so much</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I saw this <a href="https://obimanletkenobi.tumblr.com/post/646113338795982848">post</a> and now I am doing my part in ensuring "Be together" by Major Laser becomes the anidala anthem it deserves to be. I didn't expect it to turn out this sad but that's what you get for writing canon compliant star wars fics. And star wars has some really cool drugs.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Let me escape in your arms</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Baby I'm yours, baby I'm yours</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love don't come easy at all</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It really doesn’t, Padme thought, alone in her too big, empty apartment. Her feelings echoed off the windows, bouncing and hitting her even harder on the way back. She wished they’d just fall out and fade into the distant speeders, rushing endlessly, blurring with the tears in her eyes. She wished she’d fall out too, that the glass would dissolve under her touch and the endless drop would swallow her. She’d never been to the lowest levels, she wasn’t sure if they ever ended. Maybe she’d just keep falling forever. It certainly felt like she was, falling for Anakin still, and every time she thought he’d catch her something pulled him further away. She wished they could just stop this endless chase. Run away, escape together from this life that felt more like a prison than a calling. More like lying to themselves than hope.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I miss you so much, I miss you so much</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It felt like that was all she did these days. Miss him, wait for him. He’d waited for her for ten years and now it was her turn. Neither of them had chosen this. Neither of them had chosen much of anything in their lives.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tell me is this freedom, baby?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chasing after danger, making my heart beat, woah</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She had chosen to go to Geonosis, and that felt real. That felt like the only time they’d really been together. A kiss in the middle of battle, the taste of sweat and dust and blood heavy in the air, the faintest hint of teeth, nothing compared to the agony of her back being torn apart. Sometimes she begged him to scratch those scars open, get out the sand that she could still feel stuck under her skin, under her soul. He never did. But when he went away she would contort herself, twist her arm back to dig her nails into the pale fresh skin. They would always heal by the time he came back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe if the stars align, maybe if our world's collide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe on the dark side we can be together, be together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The dark. She didn’t know him without it. She’d met him again at his lowest. Corruption, evil she could spot with her eyes closed, in the tone a senator took, in the way life seemed a secondary concern to some. But the dark side was magic. It was dreams and legends and the way he sometimes looked scared of himself, haunted by whatever happened out in the field. And she’d kiss him, comfort him, and only cry after he’d left. And think treasonous, painful thoughts. The dark was secrecy. All they were was secrets and lies.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe in a million miles, on the highway through the skies</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someday soon we'll be together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She finally gave in and opened the box hidden in plain sight, scooped glitter up on her nail and felt her mind go numb at the sharp sting in her nose. The room jerked around her, then settled into a loud, bright hum. Just like hyperspace, she’d told him, the first time he tried it. But when they did it together, she could feel what he felt, a poor imitation of his constant awareness in the force. She took more, imagined she was licking it off his smooth, warm skin instead. It was sparkling in her veins now, telling her to move, to run, but there was nowhere to go. She swayed with the music, or maybe just lost her balance, and fell onto the couch. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He was a dreamer at heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chasing the stars, chasing the stars</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t give this up, the war, the Jedi. But it didn’t feel like the boundless dreams of that boy she’d first met, a lifetime ago. The boy who’d helped her win a war before it even started, through sheer luck and innate skill. The boy who’d looked at her like she was an angel. The boy who came back a decade later and made her into one.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rain spread to the sun</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you so much, I miss you so much</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She thought of nothing but him, as her hand slid down, the only movement she could allow herself. She couldn’t go out, get lost in some dark, loud place, feel her heart match up with music. She was stuck here, trapped by appearances, obligations, maintaining the image of a senator. Besides, she didn’t want a crowd around her, she wanted him, inside her where he belonged. Her hand sped up, so did her heart and she dreamed its rhythm synced up with his, wherever he was, risking his life, running into battle because he couldn’t bear not to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tell me is this freedom, baby?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chasing after danger, making my heart beat, woah</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe if the stars align, maybe if our world's collide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe on the dark side we can be together, be together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The dark was power too, he’d told her, with shame and fear in bright eyes. And what was so wrong about that, she’d think, alone in the artificial light of Coruscant at night. Her power was given by the people she served. His power came from the world itself. Sometimes she wished he’d just use it. For himself, for her, for them. End this horrible war in one go and come home. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe in a million miles, on the highway through the skies</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someday soon we'll be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be together, we'll be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be together, we'll be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be together, we'll be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll be together, we'll be together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She said it, whispered it, cried it over and over again, like a mantra, like a prayer. They would be. Soon. Someday. Forever.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe if the stars align, maybe if our world's collide</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They had. Somehow they had, after all these years their incompatible, opposite lives had collided again. But collision means recoil and the stronger they came together, the further they were flung apart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe on the dark side we can be together, be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe in a million miles, on the highway through the skies</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someday soon we'll be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe if the stars align, maybe if our world's collide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe on the dark side we can be together, be together</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe in a million miles, on the highway through the skies</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someday soon we'll be together</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'd never even read a songfic before today but this was amazing and there will be a part two from Anakin's POV, probably with a different song.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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